Tomorrow I plan to post the first installment of a new blog series I am calling “Inquisitive” and wanted to share a few thoughts before I begin.
For years I’ve vacillated between avoidance of/passion for writing the one subject that compels/ terrifies me most. It is this: how do I reconcile a pesky inquisitiveness with my personal need to believe? It feels like I am destined to iterations of gaining-losing-gaining my religion. So a few years back I started collecting little insights like so many pretty stones on a hike. Now I can’t seem to let ‘em go. My knapsack is getting heavy but I keep chickening out before I show them to anybody. I am—probably rightly—afraid that looking at them again will show my little treasures for the stupid rocks they are.
Also, with a toddler in tow these days I could justify stashing my collection for another decade or so. No one is keeping tabs, I know. Still. I have realized lately that I NEED to be writing to keep my center, not for anybody else but just for me. So as much as I am tempted to just pitch the knapstack into a dumpster, these topics keep taunting me from behind a door that it feels safer to keep closed. They come a thirsty and vulnerable place inside of me.
All that said, I decided this week to peek behind the door and begin a blog series about what I find behind it—quick and candid. If I can at least get these thoughts down, maybe then they will stop pestering me and I can get on with my life. The process of blogging may help fill my need for spirituality and writing simultaneously.
So dear friends, read these or not, no worries either way. You can pat me on the head like a good puppy if you wish (Like. Like. Like.). It’s not lost on me that there are roughly thirty-four million better sites where you can spend your downtime, give or take a few. I am not writing to build some platform or to “join the conversation” or as part of a strategy to take charge as CEO of my own life as a motivational speaker once advised. It’s worse, just a self-indulgent exercise to declutter my life of something I’ve been toting around. Like, maybe I shouldn’t have the movers heft a box of rocks up the stairs into yet another new place.
If you do read, I promise to do my best to be real.
Finally, I wish I could give some spoiler-alert warning here about how it ends. The truth is, my faith is a work in process and I am still just deciding how to build the foundation. I am sort of hoping I will finally understand how the saga ends once I get there.
Introduction to a blog series I am calling “Inquisitive,” musings to sort through questions of faith and doubt.